so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i love accidental penises.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
