You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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