When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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