dude i'm inner monologue high
My balls are so social today.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
