I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
