y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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