Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
