I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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