Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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