She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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