I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
