Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize