I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
