Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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