I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
