Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
