oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
