That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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