People in love make me want to vomit
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize