How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
