im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
