Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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