Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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