i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
