rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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