Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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