That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
