I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
