When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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