I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
