My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
