They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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