fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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