Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
