I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
