They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
