I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
