why didn't you poke me back
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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