Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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