all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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