you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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