you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
