There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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