I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize