yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
