We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
