If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
