I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
