I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
