Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
