I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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