I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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