Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize