what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
