So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
