is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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