I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
