I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
