she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
