Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
