Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
