There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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