Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
