the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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