hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
