3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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