at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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