haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
