Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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