the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
