Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
