i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
