Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wear drunk well.
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