he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
