Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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