I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
