I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
