Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
