Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
