It's Friday. Sex?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Also, beer. Big fan.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize