Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
