Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
