I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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