Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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