video games are the ultimate cock blocker
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
