her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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