I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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