Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
