I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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