she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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