Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
