I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
