Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
