doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
