guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
