I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
