I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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