The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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