do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
