I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
