i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
