I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
