i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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