The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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