i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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