Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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