Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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